For Emergencies Only

Today I am taking a road trip with Crazy Betty. Oh yes, I am. I'm sure the next 4 days will supply me with enough blog material for a month. We are driving to Boca Raton for my brother's wedding! Pictures and details to come. In honor of the next 3 hours that will contain more interrogation than a FBI investigation, here's a Crazy Betty story for the road.

For Betty's birthday last month, Uncommon Husband and I bought her a pre-paid cell phone. She said she needed it to feel safer when she'd out running around and to use in case of emergencies. Yesterday I was sitting at my desk when I saw I had a missed a call on my cell. It was from her new cell phone and she LEFT A MESSAGE. The sky must be falling. Normally, she calls 300 times and never leaves a message. In a panic, I dial my voicemail and I hear this message, "Hi Jess, I'm at Dillards and I wanted to let you know they are having a huge shoe sale. I just got a $100 pair of shoes for $15!" At least she knows what constitutes a real emergency.

Not Tech Support

Just in case I'm giving off the wrong impression, I'm not tech support. Yes, my husband is an IT professional. Sadly, his knowledge of all things computer does not automatically transfer to me. Everyone in my office is constantly coming into my office telling me what's wrong with their computers (Uncommon Husband donates his services to our organization). It's all I can do not to look say "I'm sorry but I don't really care." I am not the office manager and I don't like being used as a direct line to tech support. To make matters worse, my 987 volunteers who are each about 300 years old think that because I am young I can help them with their computer problems. It's so not funny.

Huggable Hangers

Have you heard about these? They are the BEST INVENTION EVER. Well, maybe not but they are pretty freaking awesome. I heard about them at Girls Night and wondered what all of the fuss was about so I bought a pack at Target. It's sheer genius I tell you. The hangers save space, keep your clothes from slipping off, and don't leave little hanger marks in the shoulders of your tops. I was flipping through the channels last night and HSN was having a special. It took all of my willpower not to order the total closet makeover set and go to town. My husband thought I was crazy because I kept pausing the TV and saying things like "But look at how much space it would save!"

I like these so much I could lick them.

However, that would probably taste bad due to the "velvet flocked material" which prevents clothing from slipping.

She looked like she was from Athens

Uncommon Blonde: "And then she put on this shirt that made her look like she was from Athens"
Uncommon Husband: "Athens? What does someone from Athens look like?"
Uncommon Blonde: "You know, Greek. It looked like a toga"
Uncommon Husband: "Why would you describe it like that? That would be like me saying someone looked like they were from Albaqurque if you were trying to say they looked Mexican"
Uncommon Blonde: "Yeah, except Albaqurque is in NEW Mexico"
Uncommon Husband: "That wasn't my point but whatever"

Oh Betty

Each time I post about my lovely grandmother (aka Crazy Betty) I feel guilty afterwards and think that I shouldn't do it again. You see, as much as she drives me up the wall, I do love her dearly. We have always been close, I lived with her when I first moved here for the 3 months before my wedding, and again while we were waiting to close on our house (now that was a test in patience for Uncommon Husband). We've taken many trips together, she's always been my shopping buddy (until she hit 77 and decided she was broke - if she's broke I want to be dead broke every day). We also share a love of etiquette, entertaining, and all things ladylike. So you see, I feel bad that I tell stories about her. And then she goes and does something else that makes it irresistable not to post.

Her favorite thing to do lately is to call on a Saturday morning just at the time that is borderline acceptable to call someone on a weekend. I think she secretly wants to be the one to wake us up. I know this because when I answer, she gleefully asks "Did I wake you?" Now why would you think that? Because it's 8 am on Saturday? 99% of the time I am wide awake but I DON'T feel like playing 20 questions first thing on a weekend morning. I would rather snuggle up on the couch with my book. That is why I have not answered either my cell or my home phone this morning although she's called each one about 3 times already. Oh Betty.

Blah, Blah, Blog

I have SO many things on my mind to possibly blog about right now - from very serious, life-changing things (bet you're curious) to sharing my latest online coupon finds with you. Nothing seems to get beyond the thinking stage though. So I'll leave you with this. I have almost walked out of the ladies room baring my behind to the world today - twice. The skirt seemed like a good idea at the time but now maybe not so much.

Fire Drill

No hurricane here folks. It isn't even raining yet. My grandmother is here though. She's actually been talking nonstop for 2 hours this morning. I told her I was working over here and although I am typing and not even looking at her, she's still talking away and asking me questions repeatedly. I'm ready to go back to work.

I Did Not Sign Up For This

So apparently no one knows what this hurricane is going to do. The models show a million different directions and possibilities - seriously, can't they do a little better than a "cone of probability" that covers the entire state? Since it looks like we might actually have hurricane force winds here everyone is preparing and we've implemented our hurricane plan at work. This means I was part of the crew that went to get sand bags for the doors. Minor detail, we had to fill them ourselves! I thought it was a drive through process where I pull up and say how many I wanted. Instead, it was more like "here's a shovel, have fun."

Uncommon Blonde did not sign up for this ... (in case you can't tell, that's a big pout on my face - I hate manual labor)

Fashion Safari

Last week there was an event to kick-off "the season" here and the theme was Fashion Safari. There was a fashion show (starring TV Gold), fun drinks, and good friends. It was a fun night. At one point, this woman I vaguely know came tottering over, kissed my cheek and said "how's my Jessica?" Yeah, she'd had a few too many martinis. As she stood there talking to a group of us, she took off her necklace (that was actually a St. John chain belt) and started swinging it in wide circles at eye level. I honestly thought I was going to be maimed at the fashion safari by a designer belt. Who knew such danger lurked among the clothing racks at Saks?

Isn't B adorable in her safari style?


Uncommon Blonde Self-portrait (not my camera so excuse my out-of-focus shooting)

Hurricane Fun

Those of you in Florida know that we're watching Hurricane Fay closely and right now it looks like it's going to miss us here where I live - yeah! All day I have been waiting to call Crazy Betty (my wonderful grandmother if you haven't read past posts). She lives on the water so she stays with us when there's an evacuation. Although the storm was in Cuba today, I knew she must be on the edge of her seat just waiting for the word to head over and set up camp at my house. I put it off until she finally called me and informed me that she was coming over tomorrow afternoon ... unless the forecast changed. Uncommon Husband has learned his lesson about Crazy Betty's reaction to hurricanes. Last night he was describing to some friends his last trip to her house when we had an evacuation. It was truly hilarious to listen to - if it weren't so painfully true. She had him move EVERYTHING from her first floor to the second floor. Furniture, pictures off of the walls, he even described himself as a "pack mule" at one point when he had an oriental rug on his back as he tried to get up the stairs. This was all done in case the water rose over her dock and flooded the house. Never mind the fact that the particular hurricane headed our way was a category 4 and would have probably ripped off the roof, if not demolished the house. Needless to say, we don't make offers for moving services anymore. We try to keep her at occupied at her own house as long as possible because most of the time it's a false alarm. If a real danger were coming, we're ready and would definitely make sure she was safe but there is no need to evacuate to somewhere that is 5 miles from your house when the storm is still 3 days away. If by chance the storm does shift again and Crazy Betty ends up at our house, believe me, there will be blog posts galore (can we say coping mechanism?)

Splish Splash

Last night we had some friends over for dinner. As everyone got started eating, I discreetly began trying to get the meat off of my kabob. I was pulling pretty hard with my fork and my hand must have slipped because next thing I know I hear Lindsay burst out laughing and I look over and Uncommon Husband was covered in water. My hand had hit my water glass and the whole glass of water hit him directly in the face (with some force I might add). Not on the table, not on his plate ... in his face. Instead of offering him my napkin, I tried not to fall out of my chair from laughing as I watched the water drip off of his chin. He said he was so caught off guard and the aim was so good that for a moment, he thought I had done it on purpose. Once we all caught our breath he had to go change shirts. Thank goodness it was only water and not red wine.

I wanna quit the gym

We have decided to cancel our gym membership because our exercise routines have changed and we have not been using it lately. Hubs has been working out somewhere new and swimming, bridge walks and various other activities have taken the place of my 5:30 am trips to the gym (I like this new system much more!) so today I decided that instead of continuing to pay $75 a month for something we aren't using, I would go ahead and cancel it. I called to take care this only to be told that I have to come in and fill out some paperwork. When I questioned why I couldn't just fax it I was told it was for my own protection. That's BS. It reminded me of the Friends episode where they just want to quit the gym. Watching this made me a little less pissed off about the fact that I have to go over there and take care of this.

I'm famous ... well kind of

Maybe not famous but I am so excited about this that I might as well be. I just checked the website for that bakery I shot photos for a few weeks ago and it's up! It's so cool to see so many of my photos on there. I didn't take all of these, many of the specialty cakes she took, but the home page shots are mine, as well as a lot in the gallery (that cake with the fork was from a baby shower she made the cakes for - totally unplanned! :) If you live in the Sarasota or Lakewood Ranch area and need a bakery, check out Pastries By Design. She teaches classes too and it all tastes as good as it looks!

The Quiet One

I have been told twice in the last week that I am quiet and reserved. Really? I think these people just don't know me at all. I will admit I am somewhat serious, especially at work or in professional situations but quiet I am not. I am an extrovert and not afraid to talk to people I don't know. I have noticed a pattern to my quiet behavior and I'll let you in on a little secret. If I'm being quiet, it could be due to one of two reasons:

1. I find the people around me fascinating and interesting. I would rather listen to them talk and learn more about them, than blather on incessantly about myself.

2. I find the situation I am in overwhelming, chaotic or irritating and/or I am thinking sarcastic things about the people around me and am afraid if I start talking, one of these things might pop out and ruin my ladylike reputation.

Reason #2 was where I was both of these times I was called quiet last week. First time, I was in a group of 17 people trying to get a table for lunch. There is never a reason you should go to a restaurant and expect to be seated as a party of 17. It's chaotic and ridiculous. It's not like you can all talk to each other so what's the difference in sitting at several tables in the same section? I want to run away when I get in big crazy groups. I kept trying to quietly sneak away from the loud group but they kept finding reasons to pull me back in. In order to deal with the irritation that was threatening to spill out, I got really quiet and tried to hide out. Second time, I was sitting next to one of THOSE people who does not understand personal space. She kept scooting her chair closer to mine and touching me and all of my stuff on the table when she talked. I wanted to push back from the table and say "For the love of God woman, please give me some room to breath! Better yet, would you like to sit in my chair?" Instead, I quietly endured while thinking about how annoyed I was. It's funny because being called quiet has caused me to examine these moments and these two explanations are spot on. If I get really quiet, be forewarned, you might end up on my blog :)

He's a hero

Uncommon husband just called and said to me "Bear Grylls doesn't have anything on me." For those of you who don't watch Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls is the insane host who does things like eat grub worms and scale rock faces to demonstrate how to survive in the most extreme places in the world. This past weekend we were watching an episode in which Bear kills a rattlesnake with a stick and I commented that he was quite a tough guy because most people would not get close enough to a rattlesnake to find out if a stick killed it on the first blow. Apparently that was as good as issuing a challenge. Uncommon Husband was calling today to report that he killed a rattlesnake with a golf club. He was working at a client's office that is next door to a preschool when a panicked girl came in and asked if anyone could help her kill a snake on the playground. Of course my manly husband grabbed a golf club out of his car and went to investigate. He said it was a big snake and it could have killed one of the children so it had to go. After telling me this story on the phone I said "I hate this story, it's so scary!" Uncommon Husband replied, "Don't be scared, I'm a hero." And a modest one at that:)

Youtube, how I love thee

This is the funniest commercial ever ...

My People

Do you ever talk about blogging to people and they just look at you like "huh?" I feel like most people just don't really get it unless they are a blogger or at least a regular reader of blogs. Well, I am at a PR conference this week and these are my people. So many of them "get it" when it comes to blogging. I was at the pool yesterday afternoon (after hours of meetings I promise) discussing the blogging world and their eyes did not glaze over, in fact, they were interested! There is also a group of people blogging throughout this whole conference and the friend I am sharing a room with wanted to get back to the room this afternoon so she could post to her blog. I love it! I know this is only a tiny sliver of what the BlogHer Conference must have been like and I wish I could have been there (tear). I guess this is the next best thing :)

By the way, I was recently a guest blogger for a "30 Days of Blogging" initiative for our local chapter of FPRA. You can read it here.

Conference Queen

Uncommon Blonde is at her second conference in a week. In Orlando. Again. Fortunately, this conference is in a posh hotel so Uncommon Blonde is enjoying fabulous accommodations and no annoying tourists are in sight. So, if Uncommon Blonde is a delinquent blogger again this week, you'll know she's drinking by the pool (or sitting in meetings). Okay, I'm done blogging about myself in third person.

One year ago today, I blogged from this same conference and this is the day I found out about a job that I ended up getting hired for by the end of the week. It all happened so fast I didn't even have time to really absorb what was happening. It's strange (and exciting) to look back a year later and see how it all played out. I was a newbie blogger back then too. In fact, I missed my blog's one year anniversary a couple of weeks ago but it's not like I had big giveaways or anything to conduct. For giveaways, I need some free stuff sponsors so until then, we'll just celebrate by saying YEAH! I shall return with more sarcastic commentary on what not to do while attending conferences later ... (last week #1 on my list was adults in pigtails - someone actually did this at my last conference, it was all I could do not to take her picture) Happy Monday to you!

Baby Fever

I am surrounded by babies these days. Those of you following my photography blog will see the evidence, all of my friends are having babies so I get the privilege of snuggling with lots of wonderful little miracles lately. The other day I was having lunch with my co-workers and they all started loudly accusing me of having baby fever. "Why would you say that?" I asked them. Sure, I love babies and certainly look forward to having my own but I wouldn't say I have baby fever. Then someone said - "Because, all you talk about is babies and your love of breast milk." (insert record screeching sound) WHAT!?!? My "love of breast milk"? Now that's a new one on me. That comment probably came from me defending a mother in a story where everyone was grossed out that she put breast milk in the refrigerator. Does that mean I have a love of breast milk? I certainly hope not. People are weird. And for the record, I don't know if I have baby fever or not but if one more person asks me if I am pregnant I might scream. The answer is no, and when I am, Internetz - you will be the first to know. After a few key people of course :)