Does Not Panic Well

I should wear that warning as a sign on my forehead. If you're going to have an emergency, make sure there's someone calm around because if you put me in a crisis situation and I lose the ability to think rationally.

I was pulling away from my office this evening and I saw this woman standing on the corner all of the sudden bend down, and then she fell face first into the sidewalk and started having a seizure. I freaked out. I honestly did not know what to do. I pulled over, fumbled around and finally jumped out of the car while dialing 911. As I got to her an off-duty police officer pulled up and turned on his lights. Thank God. Instead of thinking clearly, I hung up on the 911 operator (and yes, I've actually done that once before). My cell phone then went into "emergency mode" and they called back. Opps. I am just thankful he got there and took over because what do you do for someone in this situation? Not to mention that she had a head injury and we all know that I'm a fainter. My husband says I'm exhaggerating and that I did a good job by stopping and calling for help. I just felt so panicked and helpless! I hope she's okay. Just when you think you're having a rough week something like that happens and reminds you what a charmed life you actually have.

The line

What is it with old ladies and lines? There should be regular lines, express lines, and old people lines. I know that's totally offensive but seriously. There are lots of old people down here and even more during the winter months so I am constantly dealing with people backing out of parking spaces at the speed of paint drying and old ladies getting pissed about a line. Tonight I ran into the grocery store to get a few things. Risky business after another stressful day, my cart consisted of pasta, wine & chocolate (I digress). At the check out, the old lady ahead of me was almost done so I started putting my things on the back of the belt. My stuff was literally three feet away from the lady ahead of me but she ran back around her cart, glared at me and slammed a little stick divider down. Exxxcuse me! I guess she caught me, I was going to try to slip a jar of Ragu into her bag. Then the old lady behind me almost took my heels off with her cart. Space people, I need space.

This is not an isolated incident. I am constantly in the lines of combat. The sweet looking little old lady will surely cut in front of you at Macy's if she thinks you aren't looking and heaven forbid you skip the line at the post office and drop a package off at the counter (because there's this thing called the Internet). That's a surefire way to start a mutiny. Oh the joys of Florida living!

It was a day to forget

Today was icky. I wrote a post earlier today titled "Dear Mean People" but after re-reading it and taking some time to cool off I decided it was way too grumpy to make other people read. Let's just leave it at mean people suck. bad. I thought maybe I'd be able to think of some way to make it funny later. nope. Still not funny yet. I will say that chocolate cupcakes and red bull are a good little pick me up after a rough morning. Follow that up with junk food for dinner and a chick flick and I'm almost myself again.

I watched No Reservations with Catherine Zeta Jones, who also happens to be my best friend. No, it's really true - she's my bff. We hang out with her Micheal and the kids all of the time in Bermuda. It's hard being fabulous but someone's gotta do it.

People Watching

There's a cool blog I subscribe to called The Satorialist that is just made up of pictures taken on the street of Paris of fashionable or interesting people. I like it because it's photography (and it's fun and funky) but today I was wishing I could have had such a great excuse to photograph a complete stranger. I was in line at the store behind a woman who was wearing the most ridiculous looking suit I've ever seen. Thee really are no words to describe how odd and absurd she looked but I'll try. It was brown pinstripe and very fitted. The cropped jacket had a wide belt and the pants had cargo-like pockets on them - but the best part was the bottom of the pants had a drawstring around the ankle and them they flared out at the shoe. Yes, I said drawstring at the ankle ... It was so confusing because at first glance she looked very business-like but then the full effect soaked in and I realized that this was a kooky outfit in disguise. I was standing behind her wondering if I could snap a photo of those pants on my camera phone without her noticing but I decided not to chance it. I'm going to start carrying my camera around and pretending I'm the paparazzi so I can take advantage of such photo ops.

I rock ... that's all

It's 1:30 pm on a Saturday and already I have:

Gone into the office for 3 1/2 hours
Bought picture frames
Went to Office Max
Did laundry
Baked cupcakes
Unloaded the dishwasher
Went to the grocery store
Dropped off the dry cleaning

I know, I know, no one cares about my chores but I feel so accomplished that I felt the need to give myself a shout-out. I rock ... that's all.

He's a sith lord

So we were watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith tonight (well actually, Uncommon Husband was watching this while I read blogs) when I looked up from my laptop just as Darth Vader broke out of some arm locks and I said "that's ridiculous, he couldn't do that" A few seconds later, Uncommon burst out laughing and said "Do you realize the irony in that comment - it's Darth Vader, it's a movie about a sith lord, and you're saying that breaking out of some locks is unrealistic?" I guess he has a point ...

Little Freakies

Last night I caught part of a documentary called "Little Beauties." Little freakies is more like it. I'm not talking about the little girls I'm talking about the mothers. The show is about these little girls who travel the country on the pageant circuit. I felt really bad for these girls because for the most part, the pageants were fulfilling the mothers desires and the girls were just along for the ride. They kept having to bribe them to finish each round with promises of pet turtles and the beach (but only if they did a good job). The camera crew did a good job of catching the mothers in action while the girls were on stage. They were prancing and jiggling all around trying to give secret cues to the girls to smile bigger, twirl faster, blink more and look like demented dolls ...

Bill Clinton Has A Dream

Ok, I'll stop with the political stuff but this was too funny to pass up. Bill Clinton attended a speech in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King on Monday and apparently he also had a dream ...




I am so overwhelmed at work today that blogging has become my coping mechanism :)

Cloning

I'm rethinking my stance against cloning. If I could clone myself I could get so much more done ... right now there's no hope of even catching up. Maybe if someone could actually invent a robotic "Stepford Wife" type of person I could have as my assistant. That would be wonderful. Until then I'll be buried under the growing mountains in my office. When will I ever have time for all of my projects? (i.e. photography, genealogy, photo albums & framing, cooking, and the list goes on and on.

It's On

The political fight for the state of Florida is officially on. Today I got email invites to upcoming local events for Romney, Clinton and Giuliani. It seems as though every presidential candidate will be visiting Sarasota this week. The thing I cannot understand is where anyone got the idea that I'd spend $1,000 on a ticket to see ANY candidate. That's a lot of chicken. Maybe someone can through a fundraising party for me ... I can give a good speech and make a lot of promises. I'll even through in autographs. Any takers?

I do love politics. I love the whole voting process so much that I don't want to vote early and miss out on the excitement of voting on election day. I really like the way things are now, when the playing field is still open and people are still being civil to each other. After the primaries are over it gets ugly and everyone starts behaving like it's a big fight. Until then, I will continue to enjoy the friendly banter. I got an email tonight from TV Gold that said:

"Monica Lewinsky's Ex-Boyfriend's Wife for President"

Now that's funny.

I like yachts

I went to see 27 Dresses tonight. I thought it was totally cute, but then again, I love chick flicks. It actually gave me a new quote for the quote book, although normally the quote book should only be reserved for people I know.

"I'm outdoorsy - I like yachts, and flowers, and tanning"
said by Malin Akerman in 27 Dresses
I could not have said it better myself!

More good ones from the past couple of weeks ...

"You should tell them you're not their house elf" (Uncommon Husband to me)

"Nope, I hate music too" (Uncommon Husband - he doesn't really hate music, he was trying to come up with a rebuttal to everything I told him he could do to enjoy the beach more)

"Don't vote for him, his family wears matching plaid shirts" (TV Gold on Mike Huckabee)

Speaking of chick flicks, we saw the preview for the best movie ever ...

Botox diaries

The other day I asked my dermatologist what the average age is for people to start getting Botox injections. She said "It really depends on the person," then she asked me to scrunch up my forehead and said "You might want to consider it before any of your lines get too deep. It's great for prevention." Hold the phone - I thought I was at least safe until my 30's from the need to even consider such treatments. Now I'm analyzing my face in the mirror every chance I get. (By the way, I'm not soliciting opinions so don't tell me what you think of my forehead next time you see me) Of course I am factoring in the fact that she profits from getting people into Botox but still, I can't help but wonder.

On a similar note, I am loving my new Clarisonic brush. It has yet to perform any specific magic on my skin but I do feel like it gets my skin cleaner and all of those fun little beeping noises have to have some kind of super powers. I'll keep you posted as to when my spidey senses kick in.

I'm no temptress

This afternoon I had to go to an event at Fort Knox. Actually, it was at a beachfront condominium on Longboat Key but it might as well have been a vault. I had to pass through THREE separate guard houses to get into this place, giving them a contract for my firstborn child along the way (or maybe just my name and license plate number). I had no idea this place was so complicated to get to, otherwise, I would not have driven out there with no gas in my car. Literally, the light had been on for awhile when I pulled up to the first gate and all I could think was "I'm going to get lost in here and run out of gas and there will be no way for anyone to get to me because they don't have the token!"

I finally made it to my destination, (late due to back directions from the guard) only to find out that I was about 40 years younger than everyone in the room. You would think that this would be uncomfortable but it was actually quite the contrary. People kept coming up and introducing themselves ... and then one of the old men pointed out that his wife was lurking nearby to "keep an eye on him because he never behaves" and I realized that I had been charmed by all of the little old men and that their wives were all watching me very closely. Ha! I wanted to hold up my hands in surrender and say "It's okay ladies, I'm no temptress!" I think they finally realized that I was literally just a nice girl because they backed off and I actually heard some great war stories, saw photography from Africa, and listened to stories about hair loss and younger days. It was sweet and interesting and made me appreciate my own grandparents. Not exactly productive for work but then again, it never hurts to make new friends that might leave some money to our non-profit when they finally decide to take a dirt nap.

Bunny Foo Foo's demise

Tonight I was cursing the tiny sugar ants that started around the kitchen sink and are now appearing everywhere and I realized it was time to call for our once a year super-duper pest control treatment. It's overdue but I haven't called because I still feel guilty about Bunny Foo Foo.

Let me explain - my neighbor Allie had a pet bunny(his name was Bunny Foo Foo) that lived in a little cage that was kept open so he could run around her house at will. He was a mean bunny. Uncommon husband went over to feed him a few times while she was out of town and Bunny Foo Foo would always try to bite him. Allie got kind of sick of him but the Humane Society would not take him and she couldn't find him a new home. So, she decided to set him free with the logic that "bunnies live in the wild right?" Well, not in the wilds of downtown Sarasota. For a couple of weeks he stayed around her house so she kept leaving food out back, thinking maybe he'd just be an outside rabbit. Then we suddenly stopped seeing him around.

One night I went over to Allie's to watch a movie and I commented that every time I walk out my front door, I smelled something terrible - like something died. She said "wow, I hope it's not Bunny Foo Foo!" I assured her it was probably something irrigation related. However, the next day I looked in the flower bed and there he was - and he looked much larger than he did in life (yuck!). As much as I didn't want to tell her, Uncommon Husband was out of town and I'm not even an animal person when they're alive - I definitely wasn't burying the rabbit. When I got home from the mall (my convenient getaway) they were finishing the burial. Then I realized ... our super-duper pest control treatment had been done the week before and I was sure that the bunny had eaten some of the poisen outside of our house. Bunny Foo Foo was dead and it was kind of my fault. Allie thinks he was just old and died peacefully ... I never did have the heart to tell her the truth about Bunny Foo Foo's demise.

Gypped

I feel like I just got gypped (I would have thought it was spelled jipped but dictionary.com says otherwise). I sent off the negatives of our wedding pictures (our wedding was photographed using film, not digitally) to have them professionally scanned. After much anticipation and praying that FedEx would not lose the box with my precious photos, I finally got them back today with the dvd of jpg files. So far, not so good. The files are supposed to be high resolution - but in Photoshop they look grainy. I'm so pissed because the scanning was expensive. I could have done this on my scanner for this level of quality. Maybe I'm freaking out prematurely, I'm going to have a couple pics printed tomorrow to see how they come out. Keep your fingers crossed for me, otherwise, someone's getting a pissy email from me tomorrow.

On a happier note, I will share a couple of pics from the best day ever!

Generation Gap

Translations from my grandmother regarding text messaging.

Uncommon Blonde (to grandmother): "What do you think this means?" - text message read "Sup?"

Grandmother: Does that say "up yours!?"

Grandmother referencing sending a text message by cell phone: "Tell her on your little zoop thingy I said hello"

Bloggy Goodness

I have been MIA for a few days in the blog world. It's not that I haven't missed it, I just haven't felt like I had an bloggy goodness to share. This week things went back to full speed ahead but it's all great! Things are going so according to plan that sometimes it scares me. I plan it, it happens! I have to be careful though because it's that time of year to make commitments for committees and leadership positions for next year and I have to make sure I don't over do it (which happens often). Then I won't have time for my blog peeps or photography projects (another long update for later).

I have a more in-depth post to write but I don't have time right now. My brother is here and we're off to dinner. Hopefully I'll continue this post later ... bloggy goodness to come :)

The Quote Book

When I was in college one of my sorority sisters kept a quote book. Anytime someone said something ridiculous or funny she would write down the quote. Reading them back later provided hours of entertainment because everything sounds even funnier when taken out of context. I am thinking of starting a quote book of my own, although doing this in a blog format might not be as funny, especially if you don't know the person being quoted. We'll give it a try, here's a few from this past weekend.

"Just channel your inner fanciness."
said by Uncommon Blonde to Uncommon Husband

"With the stomach hanging out over the top of her jeans and her icky fingernails, does she think those designer sunglasses are going to save her? Uhhh, no."
said by Allie to Uncommon Blonde

On a completely different note - what is it about football that turns grown men into children? Uncommon husband is dancing around the living room howling over a touchdown. Very uncommon behavior. I hope Ohio State wins, otherwise this is going to be a bad night!

I definitely do

This was the bride's response at the wedding we attended this evening. Can I just say - who knew weddings were so rife with blog material?!? Between drunk girls headbanging to AC/DC songs (she kept screaming like she was actually at the concert) and bad table-manners, I don't even know where to begin. The husband and I had a lot of fun people watching and had plenty to comment on during the ride home. One thing I kept saying all night was "When I am Queen, people will not be allowed to do that." Uncommon husband kept saying he couldn't wait for that day. He claims I'd outlaw dirt. He is probably right.

I did learn one very important piece of information tonight. We were standing on the terrace watching the sun setting over the bay and Uncommon Husband looked over at me and said "Look, a sunset. You said in your blog you want to watch more sunsets." I just slowly turned my head to him and said "You read my blog!?" This is very good to know because it could definitely keep me out of trouble in the future.

I need an answer ... now

Well, since I got several comments regarding my question about motherhood from my last post I'm going to go ahead and let you all in on what's on my mind. I want to know when it's going to happen. Don't confuse this with me saying I'm ready for it to happen because that is the question of the year - I just want to know the end of the story now so I can quit worrying about it. Will it be next month? In four months? one year? It's a topic I analyze often and panic about regularly. I have been doing this for about 2 years now. Whenever one of my friends announces that they are expecting I rotate between extreme excitement for them and sheer panic that I'm falling behind.

What if I wait too long and have regrets? What if I choose to have kids and realize I wasn't ready? Will it cause us to be dead broke and stressed to the max? Will it change my marriage? When can we move to a bigger house? What if I can't even have children? What if all of my friends have kids first and I'm left behind to go through it alone? Don't laugh - it's not funny. I feel like I have made it to the edge of the diving board but I've been standing there too long so now I'm just confused. Part of me just wants to stop trying to plan and control everything and see what happens. The other part of me is holding onto the rail with white knuckles thinking that if I'm going to even loosen my grip I better be ready to fall.

I've heard the good, the bad and the ugly stories. I've heard that it's the greatest thing you'll ever do. I know it changes everything. Beyond the house-size issue I think my biggest issue is that I know I will have a new load of constant responsibility. I'm tired now, can I handle anything more?

A Year Worth Remembering

January – Juggled responsibilities with work, friends and volunteer stuff. Went to a crappy play, a fun gala, attended my aunt’s photography show and got to pick out one of her framed prints as our Christmas present!
February – Work, work, work (and a little bit of fun sprinkled in I’m sure)
March – Celebrated 4 years of being happily married. Got back in shape and into a regular work-out routine with 5:30 am wake up calls for the gym (and still going strong!).
April – Visited Melissa & Pete in Miami. Love them!!
May – My cousin Katelyn got married. One of the best weddings I’ve ever been to.
June – Took an amazing trip to Italy! I hope the memories never fade.
July – Bit the bullet and bought my hubby the plasma TV he’d been coveting. I think I like it more than he does.
August – What a crazy month. My family visited, I started blogging regularly (yippee!!) and I accepted a new job.
September – Started my new job (which I love, thank God – even though there are times I think I will drown in work). It’s a challenge that I am rising to and surprising myself a little along the way.
October – Traveled to St. Augustine for a weekend of family time. Also went to the presidential debate in Orlando. What a cool experience!
November – I celebrated my birthday with a shocking round of Drag Queen Bingo. Protected my sandwich from theives and almost poisoned my hubby with dryer sheets.
December – Lived, loved, laughed. (and got the best present ever!)

Once again, a great year! What does 2008 have in store? Will I stop analyzing, planning and speculating about motherhood and actually take the plunge? Only time will tell. I do know one thing, it will be a wonderful year because I am surrounded by great friends, a wonderful family and the best husband in the world.

Hopefully I’ll also save more money, worry less & trust God more, take more (and better) pictures, keep exercising, be a better listener, watch more sunsets and remember what is important in life.

Thanks to Le Petit Chic and My Two Cents for the post idea.

You're gonna love this

You can now text Google for info and it will text you back with answers! It’s the best discovery I’ve made this year (all two days of it)! I won’t be spending any money calling 411 from my cell phone anymore. For example, if you want the phone number to a pizza place near your house - text the name of the pizza place and the zip code to Google (466453) and within a minute or so you’ll get a text back with the phone number. If you have standard text messaging this is a free service. Loves it! You can get movie times this way to (movie name, theater name and city). That’s good stuff and I had to share.

Bathroom humor

Back from Boca Raton and it's a New Year! I feel like we were gone much longer than just one day but we had a great time. When we started the night the one stipulation the guys put on the evening is that they did not want to end up in a crowded pushing mass of people or in a club. Hmmm ... downtown Ft. Lauderdale was insanely packed. By the time we got there and found a parking place the choices were either to head back to the restaurant and risk ringing in 08' in the car or stay put make the best of it. "The One" was so upset at first, she was trying so hard to plan a night we'd all love and I could tell she was really stressed by the situation. We decided to stay and found a cool spot in a corner of a bar and ended up having a great time. I told her "All that matters is that we were together and having fun" and we did have fun! On the way home I had a classic moment of putting my foot in my mouth. I was a little tipsy so I was just blurting out whatever came to mind. We passed a sign for Murphy Beds and I said "Who even buys Murphy beds, only old people have those!" What are the odds that The One had one made up in the guest bedroom of her parents house for my brother to sleep on!? Luckily she thought it was hilarious and was not offended in the slightest. Opps! I have to revert to my favorite disclaimer whenever I state my opinion where I say "I really don't like (insert item here), unless you have one of course" People always think it's funny when I say that but you never know ...

Boca Raton is much more beautiful than I remember ever seeing in the past. The highlight of today was visiting Sloan's Luxury Ice Cream Parlor. First of all, does it get any better than luxury ice cream? I love luxury and I love ice cream so I was sold before we ever set foot inside. Not only is the decor delicious on the eyes (my camera was in the car!) but their bathroom is ranked #10 on the Travel Channel's Top Best Bathrooms in the Entire World. The bathroom has clear glass doors that look right into the store but when you turn the handles they fog up completely. This one woman was not sold on the idea that you could not see through the doors and we could see her feet standing by the door for a long time after she'd closed it. We couldn't stop laughing which I'm sure did not ease her fears. The place was very Willy Wonka, if you're ever in the area you should definitely visit.